So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
