i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he was CRYING into my vagina
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
