She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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