Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
