I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
