He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
