The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
How's work?
Spinning.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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