Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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