I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
