and you said cock pushups were impossible
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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