So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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