What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
