wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
