He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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