Nicole vs. Life
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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