meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
