I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
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