Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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