never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
