If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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