We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
