She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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