absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
