When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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