There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
