Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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