So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
NoShamevember. You game?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
