I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
