Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
