my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
