C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
