also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize