my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
