you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
