just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
