i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
