Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have post one night stand depression
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
