he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
