Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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