are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
