Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
