My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I forget how to act sober
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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