do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
