Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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