i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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