I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
