My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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