I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
