i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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