There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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